An aspect of my role as an attorney representing persons in the process of divorce is to manage their expectations.  This is not always a simple task.

Life is a journey.  In one’s youth, it is many times a journey of light.  That is, one experiences the positive aspects of life. This includes good health, pursuing education and attaining goals.  Marriage and starting a family can be an aspect of this.

The wedding day is a good marker of how life can be a joyous occasion.  However, the wedding day often does not give a good forecast of the trials that marriage and family can bring.

To set appropriate expectations, it is important to recognize that the journey of life involves a passage through darkness as well as through light.  That is, life does not always treat us as we expect.  The unfolding of realty is something separate and different from our plans.

When this occurs, interesting possibilities emerge.  When life doesn’t turn out as planned, it may take a space of time to come to acceptance of this new reality. Likewise, when a relationship ends, a grieving period is recognized.

In maturity, we can come to a sense that it is the dark times in our lives that are the most meaningful.  When seen in this way, we recognize that these dark passages are a cause to be grateful.  No divorce is easy for the person going through it.  Divorce is painful for the parties.

The dark night of a divorce is to be seen in the context of a passage.  The difficulty and pain does not last forever.  All things pass.  There is a light on the horizon.

by Patrick Gaffney

by Patrick Gaffney