Betrayal is an obstacle to problem solving. This phenomenon is observed throughout the course of human history. However, betrayal takes on special significance in the context of a divorce case. Once someone has been betrayed, trusting the betrayer is no longer possible in many instances.
In order to work through the problems associated with betrayal, I reference an article from The Huffington Post in 2012 that cites Deepak Chopra’s advice about healing from betrayal. In that article, there are a number of factors mentioned. The question that is posed is “. . . how can you get out of torment and find yourself again?” The author, Deepak Chopra, answers as follows:
- Gain some detachment. Stand back and view yourself as if you were the helper, not the victim.
- Don’t indulge in emotions you cannot afford. Don’t act as if you’re feeling worse than you really are — or better.
- Make a plan for emotional recovery. Look at where you hurt, feel wounded or see yourself as victimized, then set out to heal these areas. Don’t rely simply on letting time do it for you.
- Feel the hole inside and grieve over it — but promise yourself that you will fill it.
- Seek a confidant who has survived the same betrayal and has come out on the other side.
- Work toward a tomorrow that will be better than yesterday. Don’t fixate on the past or what might have been.
- Counter self-pity by being of service to someone else. Counter regret by seeking out activities that build your self-esteem.
Furthermore, the article states that
. . . Nothing is easier, of course, than doing the opposite, for example:
- Dwelling obsessively on how you were wronged. Feeling exultant in our self-righteous pain.
- Turning your pain into an ongoing drama.
- Acting erratic and scattered, with no plan for getting better.
- Mourning your loss forever. Not looking honestly at the hole inside yourself because it is too painful or you feel too weak.
- Talking to the wrong people about your woes. Seeking out those who keep agreeing with you and amplifying our resentment by egging you on.
- Idealizing the past. Obsessing over the good times that are gone.
- Letting self-pity and regret dominate your state of mind.
This kind of behavior only makes a betrayal linger.
The article recommends that:
If you find yourself in the position of being the wronged party, sit down with these two seven-step programs in front of you. With a pen and paper, write down all the ways you are following the healing program and then the ways in which you are sticking with victimization one. Be candid and objective. It is healing in itself to write down how you are really doing, because the key to psychological healing is self-awareness.
In summary, we all have had to deal with betrayal at one point or another during our lives. As a divorce attorney in Clearwater Florida, I have noticed that it is a particularly difficult obstacle to overcome in a divorce context. Through utilizing the wisdom of Deepak Chopra, the goal is to allow a problem solving approach to maintain.
Clearwater Attorney Patrick F. Gaffney holds the designation of Board Certified Marital and Family Lawyer. As such, he is recognized by the Florida Bar as an expert in the field. Mr. Gaffney proceeds in his work as a problem solver attempting to resolve conflict by the application of the law to the facts of the case in a systematic, logical, and compassionate manner.